Friday, June 24, 2011

Bummer

The last few days have been hard.

I had a procedure done on the ol' stomach and have been feeling "off" ever since. I had to fast beforehand, so I'm running on very little food or liquid. I've been horrendously nauseous 24/7 despite doing liquids for most of the day.

This morning I tried my hand at a bowl of ceral and rice milk. I got down 2 bites and immediately knew I wouldn't be able to keep it down if I kept going. Later I tried a few crackers. No luck! Then I couldn't take the dental pain anymore (yes, it's still there...) so I ate a piece of bread with an Advil. BAD! Was literally spinning with nausea for the next 6 hours. I felt like it was going to come up at any second. I kept thinking "I wish I could just take something to push it all through my system." I won't touch the fucking Reglan. I've been thinking a lot about Domperidone, but... I just don't know...

About an hour ago I suddenly felt like I could eat. I nibbled a bit on some grains and felt okay. Now I feel like shit again. It's almost 5 AM and I'm sitting upright like I've been impaled by a flag pole, just trying to "will" myself to digest.

Most of the time I'm pretty positive about things, but a day like today makes me utterly sad. I'm trying to hang in there. I know I've made some progress and I try to remember that. I should've had a tube put in by now, colon surgery, etc. etc. but I've somehow made it this far. I guess I'll have to buckle down the next few days and be really careful about what I consume. It gets harder when I feel better. I want to "cheat" and eat with my family and friends. I forget that my GI tract is fucked from top to bottom. I'll go eat something stupid, thinking "It's okay if I feel sick for the next 6 hours." What I don't think about is that it'll be days before I'm back to normal.

Anyway, hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight. When I'm nauseous like this, I'll often wake up an hour or two after getting in bed with an involuntary heaving of the stomach, constant burping, nausea, sweats, etc. I HATE those nights. I absolutely hate them. It will last for hours and hours. Constant heaving, sweating, and I just want to die. Nothing helps except sitting in a cold shower and shivering the sickness away. This still takes hours! I used to wake up like this at least once per week for a year or so; I should just be grateful that it's rare these days, even though it happens.

Oh, I can't wait to eat! I've actually felt fleeting pangs of hunger throughout the day... Just fantasizing about baked potatoes, rice, and oatmeal... the real sexy foods...

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